guess you don't read this blog anymore huh. haha that's for the better i guess. maybe you do but you just don't react/don't say anything to me. i can't force you to say anything so.. yup. yknw, i had so much to say to you that's why i came here. but once i started to type i sort of forgot everything already. i still cry every night yknw haha stupid and childish right. and you probably would hate me when you read this or something. like go all 'huh wth why's she being so lame why's she still holding on why can't she let go' and i want myself to let go you know. sometimes i'm really thinking of asking you for a clean break, for time out. but i can't bring myself to do it. cause i know that i'll regret it and that i won't be able to live a day without you. i really feel so damn fucking stupid i want to just kill myself. if you do happen to be reading this don't worry i'm not about to pick up the penknife and start cutting. i'm going to talk to people online who'll ensure i don't cut, i guess. yup. i really hope you're happy. i know you're the sort who doesn't really say much. being with you for so long, i guess i can safely say i know you well. but sometimes i still don't know what you're thinking cause you don't say it. and you don't say stuff cause you know they'll hurt me. but thing is, i can't even guess from your tone/expression if you're hiding something. and then i'll always start accusing you of stuff which isn't true. so yeah, sometimes i just don't know what to say.

anyway, i was flipping through, or rather, reading, my '07 student diary. and i miss you. i miss you so much. no point in my saying this now haha, i know that. everytime i msg you 'i miss you' or whatever you don't even seem to reply to that part. so yeah. you probably didn't notice but it means something to me. but it's okay. if you are reading this, you don't have to care about how i feel. don't worry i'm gonna be fine. yup. okay. i should shut up now or else when you read this you're gonna be scared/hate me or something.

so i'll just end by saying that i promise i'll always be there for you, no matter what. but you don't have to feel obliged to be there for me. if you're free and all then yup it's good. but if you're busy i really won't bother you with my stuff. you've a lot more important things in your life, really. don't ever let me stop you from achieving what you want or yeah, getting what you want. i don't want to get in the way of your goals. k that's all. i really really hope you're happy. cause that is, still, the most important thing to me.

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